The Bohemian State

 He says: sup?
 She says: you tell me
 She says: how is the yew?
 He says: the jew is fine
 He says: how are YOU?
 She says: do you really want to know?
 He says: sure
 She says: because im terribly depressed
 She says: even though i cant spell terribly
 He says: why?
 She says: i was never good at spelling
 He says: why depressed
 She says: oh
 She says: at the thought of no longer having an excuse to “sacrifice my desires for my responsibilities”
 She says: at a lot of other thing
 He says: you WANT an excuse to sacrifice your desires for your responsibilities…?
 She says: i had one
 She says: all of last year
 She says: i dont anymore
 She says: im finally free to do what i want
 She says: but now im too afraid to even think about it
 She says: im too afraid to take a risk
 She says: because im afraid of failing
 She says: so id rather be mediocre
 He says: what do you want exactly>
 She says: i havent really figured that out yet
 He says: roughly?
 She says: i dont want to work for anyone
 She says: i want to do my own business
 She says: ideally
 She says: ceramics
 She says: i want to go back to pottery
 She says: i think
 He says: so why don’t you?
 She says: what if i cant do it anymore
 He says: what if you never try.
 She says: what if i try and fail
 He says: and go on wondering about what you’d have done if you had.
 She says: id be a failure
 He says: so go to sleep and don’t get up. you might be hit by a truck
 He says: or a falling tubelight.
 She says: which HAS to be worse than being mediocre
 He says: no if you never try, you’re a failure
 He says: if you try and don’t get anywhere, THEN you’re mediocre.
 She says: if you fail, thats a good thing?
 He says: it’s not great but at least you learnt how not to do it.
 She says: and then what do you do
 She says: where do you go?
 She says: if i try and fail
 She says: ill end up nowhere
 He says: you try again.
 He says: has no one ever told you these things?
 He says: if you keep thinking about failure you’ll never succeed
 He says: get your midn together and do what you really want to do.
 She says: darlin
 She says: doing what im doing right now
 She says: being in dubai
 She says: with the option of coming back
 She says: working as a banker
 She says: with the option of going into ceramics
 She says: im doing one thing
 She says: not committing
 She says: which is what i dont want to do
 She says: cuz i have a phobia
 She says: and that my dear, is that
 She says: i go now
 She says: talking to you has cleared my head
 She says: now that i know the problem
 She says: i shall go look for a shrink
 She says: i mean a solution
 She says: and i love you as always
 She says: i hope you have 12 kids
 She says: from four women
 She says: one from one, 0 from the other, and 5 and 6 from the last two respectively
 He says: umm…
 He says: listen.
 She says: yes?
 He says: hemlock.
 She says: yes darling
 He says: do you really want to be successful in ceramics?
 He says: i mean
 He says: is that your dream?
 She says: i want to make a career out of it
 She says: ye
 She says: why?
 She says: i want to be DRIVEN by love for what i do
 He says: because what i think you’re really looking for is just something to be passionate about
 She says: possibly
 He says: you’re not going to get that by making matkas for someone’s shaadi.
 She says: aaaaaaaaaahan
 She says: …
 He says: really.
 She says: where
 She says: pray tell
 She says: am i going to find that passion?
 He says: not in pottery.
 He says: why do you want to be someone you’re not?
 He says: just for the hell of it?
 She says: because idont know who i am
 She says: how will i know i am
 She says: unless i know who im not?
 He says: well find out who you are before you try and throw yourself into things.
 He says: otherwise you’ll just become more jaded and bitter, once you try out more and more things and find that they’re not your calling.
 She says: are you suggesting im jaded and bitter?
 He says: you’re definitely getting there.
 He says: or rather, you are there, but on the road to getting more so.
 She says: you dont love me anymore do you?
 She says: (remember, im also insecure?)
 He says: if i didn’t i’d see this as a colossal waste of tme.
 She says: i hate to break this to you
 She says: but it IS my life we are talking about
 He says: yes. which is why it’s not.
 He says: read my sentences properly woman.
 She says: im a woman
 She says: i can read and understand anything i want, and youll have to let me be
 She says: because im a woman
 He says: what has that got to do with anything?
 She says: im not sure
 She says: it just seemed like one of those things a woman must say
 She says: to emphasize that she is a creature driven by emotion
 She says: and not reason
 She says: what were we talking about?
 He says: then go and get married, and leave all these dreams of purpose.
 He says: you’ll find your purpose between the bedroom and the kitchen.
 She says: you mock me
 She says: you are unkind
 She says: and more bitter than i am
 He says: not at all
 He says: i’m looking to the future with bright eyes.
 She says: when did that happen?
 She says: did you manuscript find a willing publisher?
 He says: no i haven’t made the changes they wanted
 He says: so i’ve sort of put it aside for now.
 She says: arrogant and bitter.
 She says: whats a guy like you doing looking at the future with bright eyes?
 He says: he’s wondering why you’re judging him
 He says: other than that he’s leaning on his arrogance, made resilient by his bitterness and is ready to plan for what he wants.
 He says: when he realizes what that is. until then he’s busy preparing.
 She says: how can he prepare for the unknown?
 He says: he has a general idea.
 He says: he’s trying to make himself a more fulfilled human being.
 She says: he’s also talking about himself in third person
 She says: how many heads has he grown since i last met him?
 He says: enough to deal with himself in the third person, something which comes in useful in continuing conversations where you treat him as a third party
 He says: why are you dragging me into this cylical and meaningless argument?
 She says: i dont know
 She says: i think it is less… corrosive than you umm… analyzing me
 He says: if you don’t want my input on what you shouldn’t be doing, at least don’t drag me around talking about nothing in particular at 3 am.
 She says: it’s 7 am my side
 She says: which means you are in london
 He says: well anyway you have it now.
 He says: and i’m too sleepy to reread it.