I’m not one of those fall in love type kinda girls.
But this story sort of melts me, a bit.
Before I knew anything of boys [which is ironic because I basically went to a boys' school. No, that line never gets old] I met him.
And the reason why I met him was because I went on a social experiment. I didn’t want to be one of those clique-y kinda peoples? I wanted to meet different people and I’ll never forget the time I met him, oh say 7 years ago because of the way I met him.
My friend L, suggested we all go out, all being about 18 people. And we did. Except we grouped around, by ourselves unable to or unwilling to socialize. Finding out about people and yourself can be so terrifying.
But I’m not one for being a chicken, so with the assistance of my friend L, who introduced me to too many people in one night, I nodded, over-pronounced my name, suggested an alternative name, then shook hands and tried my hardest to remember names with faces.
Then I went dancing. In a circle. With 17 other people. We were cool like that.
The thing about going dancing when it’s Spanish night is that, well it means a lot of spanish music which means a lot of partnering type dances.
I don’t do that. Not at all.
So when K, came to dance with one of my friends, who instead shoved me in her place. It was, what’s that word that defines my life? - Awkward.
Awkward because this was the first time in my life I was dancing with a boy. It only took me 18 years! Woot. :|
So I politely and loudly said, no, because I don’t know how to dance this.
The thing about excuses and intent is that sometimes people can catch you in it.
You’ll have to be prepared.
And K, said. “Sure. I’ll teach you.”
I do this thing, which I’m sure right at this moment I probably did. I have a nervous laugh. And then I’ll stuff my hair behind my ears, “Oh but I’m a bad dancer and learner. My shoes- they fool you, I have two left feet.”
“You won’t be this bad.”
“Okay.” I had ever intent to step on his feet just because of this you see. I never give up so easily.
“You’re L’s friend right?”
“uh huh.”
“What’s your name, again?”
“Dan-esh-ree”
“Uh huh”
[Moment interjected, I'm pretty damn sure he didn't caught that, but he pretended like he did.]
“Yours?”
“kashmir.”
“Ha. Like the state or sweater?”
“What’s your major?”
“I’m soph, EMAC”
“Uh huh”
[moment interjected: see this is where I didn't ask what the hell that means? Because I still don't know what the hell that means?]
“You?”
“Frosh. AERO”
“Haha those are the obvious questions? Tell me something that isn’t obvious?”
“Like?”
“What’s your favourite music?”
“Linkin Park?”
“NO. WAY!”
“Why?”
“That’s my fave band!”
“Really?”
“Yup. Where are you from?”
“Well, I’m from the islands. This Island in the Caribbean called Trinidad?”
“You’re Trini?”
[Puzzled look: Only West Indian people call Trinidadians, Trini. And at this point K, pinned me for Indian, as in, as he calls it, "Taj Mahal Indian" ]
“I’m Guyanese!”
“NO WAY!”
This is perhaps the first and only time I explained and introduced myself as Guyanese.
[Music changes]
“I really don’t know how to dance this.”
“I’ll teach you.”
“One.. two.. one.. two, then step to the left, one …. two… one… two.”
[Looks down] “Uh huh”
“I’m getting this!”
“Yeah, you picked it up quickly.”
[Still looks down, counts in head] One. two. One. Two.
“Err, you’re supposed to look up now?”
[Looks up. Watches boy stare into eyes. Holy Smokes! Looks down] “Uh huh. I don’t want to step on your toes.”
[Boy raises chin, straightens hands] “But you’re supposed to be dancing.”
The room it spun. That was the longest dance ever.
And when it finished, I thanked him and walked away.
Now, I don’t know etiquette with dancing and stuff.
But this was the biggest mishap of ourlives.
I kinda liked him. Almost shyly so.
And he liked me except read me all wrong.
I didn’t dance closely, I didn’t look at him while dancing, and I was too polite almost english-ish and prudish.
It must have sucked when I explained that once upon a time to him when the story was brought up.
“How do you know if you chose the right girl?”
“You just know, things- they fall into place.”
“No. But how do you know?”
“You don’t? You trust that you do.”
“Do you remember that night when we dance?”
“What night?”
“The first time we met?”
“Oh, that’s a long time ago.”
“Do you remember?”
“You were so snobby.”
“How so?”
“You won’t dance with me.”
“But I did dance with you.”
“But you didn’t want to.-”
“That’s because –”
“What?”
“I… never danced with anyone before.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you were the first boy that I ever danced with that wasn’t related to me, as with everything in my life, I would like to think that’s a big deal.”
[Laughs sheepishly] “I was your first dance?”
“Well don’t get all stupid about it.”
“The world could have fit in between the space you had between you and I”
“It was my first dance? The first time I ever went out to dance with friends.”
“Really?”
“You’ll be surprised of how shelter I guess my life is.”
“You didn’t want to look at me.”
“That’s because….”
“Well?”
“Because. Just because.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“That’s because I couldn’t look at you.”
“Why?”
“Your eyes.”
“What about them?”
“They made me dizzy and I was afraid I would have stepped on your toes.”
“Dizzy? So you did?”
“So I did what?”
“So you like me.”
“LikeD. I’ll like to emphasize on the past tense, really perhaps past particple of that word. I’m in love. And besides you went with L. That very night I guess many things happened to me.
I got my first dance.
I successfully managed to do alright [well by my standards anyways].
I had my first real life crush.
And then-”
“Wait what does that mean? Your first ever real life crush.”
“Well most of my life the only boy I let myself to even remotely like was Leo.”
“Leo?”
“Leonardo DiCaprio.”
“The actor?”
“Well, yes. The actor.”
“You didn’t like other boys.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Because?”
“Well I supposed it doesn’t matter. I’m in love. But I don’t know why I didn’t like anyone. I just didn’t.”
“You just didn’t.”
“I wasn’t interested in anyone?”
“Why?”
“Because, well I really don’t know.”
“So you liked me, why didn’t you say something?”
“Well what was there to say?”
“That you liked me.”
“I didn’t have to.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“I didn’t have to?”
“What?”
“At the end of the night, do you remember where I found you? You were half on the floor doing what looked like the limbo but it wasn’t, and you were doing it with L. Who happened to be my friend.”
“The limbo?”
“Grinding or whatever the hell you call it.”
“You mean we were dancing?”
“And then she came home and she kept saying how you couldn’t stop talking about me. To which really, I rolled my eyes at.”
“Why did you?”
“It was obvious to me, as well as the 17 people who came that she liked you. And from the way I saw it, you liked her and well, that was that.
“That was that?”
“I told her, “I think he seems more interested in you. So perhaps you should date him. Which all worked out for the best.”
“You said that?”
“Yes.”
“But you said you liked me.”
“I stopped liking you that night. I was appalled? I think that’s the word. Plus I don’t come in the way of anyone’s romance.”
“Even yours?”
“Haha. First dance. First crush. First rejection. First heartbreak. Things have a way of working out beautifully.”
“How so?”
“I was too different for many people to understand, and besides…Well look at us- you’re one of my best friends and I’ll bet we make better friends than lovers, and well, I’m in love”
“Yes, you keep saying that.”
“With the love of my life.”
+
This is so ironic.
But now, this boy you know the one that I walked away from because the love of my life.
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